some things are better left unsaid

Is honesty really the best policy? Sometimes I wonder. Like, I know its very important to tell the truth and all, but sometimes I feel like it's better to just keep your mouth shut. I love to be open with my friends and be able to tell them how I feel about things. But sometimes it comes back to bite you in the butt. Though some things are better left unsaid, other things are better to be shared. I had a big talk with a good friend tonight and I was able to really open up and be honest about things. I was really glad that they were able to take it so well and not end up freaking out and thinking I am a nut case or something ;) It was really nice to be able to talk about things so freely and get some things cleared up. I am glad that we can work things out, no matter how hard they are for me. I just hope I didn't say anything wrong tonight.. or taken the wrong way. I don't often open up to people, especially ones I don't know very well, but I have an amazing friend that I feel I can talk to about anything now. We haven't been friends for very long, so this friend should feel privileged that I am able to choose him as the friend I confide in. See, I have my girlfriends that I talk to about juicy and girly things, but it's the guy friends that get to hear from the deep corners of my mind. Recently, those guy friends have left on their missions, or are d-bags, or have just moved on in their lives so then I didn't have anyone close to me that I could talk to. Nobody likes to feel alone. I hadn't felt so alone in such a long time. But now I have a new friend that will have to expect random phone calls at all hours of the day and night and listen to my senseless venting and balling. I hope he's up for it. Maybe that's why I've gone through so many close guy friends... maybe I scare them away. I am no nut case... at least I think so. I don't know... you tell me :)

Ooook... now for some music and lyrics time! This song is Blame it on the Changes by Dashboard Confessional. This is the song that made me love DC :)

i lay down, i cant sleep
my mind drums on repeat
i stare at the ceiling from my side
i reach out you're right there
but you're lost in the details
i wait for the end of a long night

(chorus)
you can blame it on the changes
i can take it any way it is
just got lost but we both found
we need this more than ever can
you take it can we save it
sink your teeth in tear away at it
can we hold out can you hold on
cuz i need you more than you know now

we play like we dont know
we both lie but we dont show
that something is changing between us
we start out in one lane the same road
the same name but something we cant see divides us

(chorus)

cuz i need you more than you know
cuz i need you more than you know

dont run away cuz i need you more than ever now

you can blame it on the changes
i can take it any way it is
we just got lost but we both found
we need this more than ever
can you take it can we save it
sink our teeth in tear away at it
can we hold out can we hold on
cuz i need you more than ever
cuz i need you more than you know now

NOW volume # what!?

So I am sure we all know the NOW CD's, ya know the "NOW that's what I call music volume such and such" right? Well currently there are 34 volumes! I have volumes 5 & 6 from way back in the day! Ain't that crazy!? Well I think so! It is just so crazy that these songs are so old because I am not that old! My sister and I listened to these CD's so much! It has been so long since I've heard most of these songs, but as soon as I started listening to them again, all the lyrics came rushing back to me and I knew the songs!! There is also something weird about listening to the same songs in the same order a lot, ya know? Like when one song ends and you' are waiting for the next track to start, in your head you can hear the intro to that next track when it hasnt even started yet! LOL I find it cool. And so it's weird when I listen to them on my iPod where I always have my songs on shuffle. Anyway.... so these 2 super old volumes hold hit songs from various artists such as Britney Spears, 98 Degrees, Destiny's Child, Everclear, Bon Jovi, Jessica Simpson, Backstreet Boys, and more! Isn't that crazy!? One song that I have found a new love for is Back Here, by BBMak. And now I am going to copy down the lyrics because I like this song a lot! :)

Baby set me free from this misery
I can't take it no more
Since you went away nothing's been the same
Don't know what I'm living for
Here I am so alone
And there's nothing in this world I can do

Until you're back here baby
Miss you want you need you so
Until you're back here baby yeah
There's a feeling inside I want you to know
You are the one and I can't let you go

So I told you lies even made you cry
Baby I was so wrong
Girl I promise you now my love is true
This is where my heart belongs
'Cause here I am so alone
And there's nothing in this world I can do

Until you're back here baby
Miss you want you need you so
Until you're back here baby
There's a feeling inside I want you to know
You are the one and I can't let you go

And I wonder, are you thinking of me
'Cause I'm thinking of you
And I wonder
Are you ever coming back in my life?
'Cause here I am so alone
And there's nothing in this world I can do

Until you're back here baby
Miss you want you need you so
Until you're back here baby
There's a feeling inside I want you to know
You are the one and I can't let you go

No need to be bitter, but...

The Seven Days of Lonely, by I Nine
Oh it's deafening,
The bitter truth.
I'm doing everything for the first time again without you.
I pretend I'm ok,
but it aches inside.
There's got to be a way that's better than just getting by.

The Memory, by Mayday Parade
This is the memory
This is the curse of having
Too much time to think about it
It's killing me
This is the last time
This is my forgiveness
This is endless

Well I'm not really sure why I'm sharing my bitterness with the world and I don't even know why I'm bitter, but I just need to get it out before it bottles too much inside of me and decides to randomly explode on some unsuspecting victims. That would be no bueno. So I guess I am sprouting it out in small bits. I have just been listening to a lot of my music and lyrics just pop out to me and I feel the need to write them down, especially the ones that mean the most to me at certain places of time in my life.

Note: whatever is said on my blog, I am not held accountable because its mostly just senseless rambling

random thoughts

So over the past little bit I have been collecting little song lyrics from random songs that I have. I have compiled them onto my phone, just keeping them as a draft text. I have been wanting to share them, but Facebook just seems to ... bleh. So I am going to list them here, where there are less viewers, or at least I think so.

• after everything I must confess I need you
• what's holding me back is the thought of time we never had
• memories oh they cut like knives
• I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start
• so much for my happy ending
• you could write a book on how to ruin someone's perfect day
• I never thought I'd get bit by this lovebug again
• love is clear as the color of water and I'm so glad I found you
• I need you more than you know
• she's eighteen, much too young to know what a kiss like that would mean
• keep your heart open wide, save it for somebody who cares
• baby, I sorely miss the vibrant gleam that's in your eyes
• it all goes back to the first kiss, it was the one I thought I'd never miss
• the first kiss stole the breath from my lips, why did the last one tear us apart?
• save your heart for someone who leaves you breathless
• it's cold in my apartment as I'm changing all the colors from the brightest reds to grays
• I'll be fine I swear, I'm just gone beyond repair

Bedroom Makeover- Extreme Edition

new paint colors on walls and trim

new dresser

new bookcase

aqua curtains

So here is just a few pics of my new room! The colors used to be pink, green, and yellow. It is definitely different now, but I love it!